Love and IBD: Dating with IBD

What is your experience dating with IBD?

First, it’s important to find a partner that I can trust and who will hold space in a nonjudgmental and compassionate way.  My previous partner of 4 years was with me through flares, holding my hair when I was sick, and taking to the hospital.  Early in our relationship, I was having a flare and the weather was bad and we were getting snow.  I asked him to run and get me Gatorade and he didn’t really realize that things were that bad.  Once he realized how dehydrated I was, he went to the store and had a better understanding.  It took time, but I felt very supported as the relationship progressed.  We are no longer together, but he is going into the medical field now and wasn’t afraid or grossed out by me, which was a strength in our relationship.

When do you have "the talk" about your diagnosis, flares or the impact IBD has on day to day life?

This might be different for everyone! It’s import to build trust with someone before sharing diagnosis.  Take some time to let them show you who they are before disclosing.  Trust might come quicker in some relationships or others.  At the end of the day, you have to feel comfortable and be honest about how you are feeling physically and emotionally so your partner can give you the support you need. It is also import to recognize if someone isn’t being supportive and you don’t have to be in a relationship with them.

Are there date spots you would recommend to other with IBD?

Recently went on a date at the Mighty Squirrel Brewery could be a good place for a date. I was there casually the other day and chatted with new people and was able to bring my dog.  But there are so many great date spots around the city.  One place I like is a hotel bar or restaurant because hotel bathrooms are ALWAYS clean and close by! We love a clean bathroom regardless of if you are in remission or not.   

Final piece of dating advice from Molly:

The right person is going to love all of you!  IBD is just one piece of what makes you who you are and there are so many pieces of you to love.  IBD doesn’t have to define you when dating, especially if you look for someone kind, caring, and understanding, because they will make a great partner.